In My Nothing
by Marteler La Mer
Summary: The two of us were never meant to be. My tracks will fade in the snow and you'll never find me. Stay locked in your head with what you have done to us.
1. A Fire Awoken

Set in a little bit of an alternate universe. I've been wanting to use this story for quite a while. I hope you guys enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Seriously, I couldn't stop. I was writing this at work, putting off homework til the last freakin' day (which wasn't good but whatever). It's terrible. I'll try to update it weekly. If I don't, bug me. I don't want to forget. Sadly, I don't own Ergo Proxy. I only wish I did. Anyway, on with the story!

* * *

Vincent had beautiful eyes. They weren't an exotic color or anything of particular interest, but to me they were just beautiful.

Now they weren't any of those. They were dark. And cruel. A familiar warning to me that he wasn't himself anymore. I didn't know what was going on at all. He released me from his tight grip and threw me against the wall.

"Get out of here. Now."

He collapsed against the bathroom door as he opened it. I ran to help him but he only yelled at me. "Go away! LEAVE!" He locked the door behind himself and I began to hear thrashing. I heard the sound of shattering glass and him gasping for air. I ran to the door, pleading for him to let me in. He let out a deafening scream. I jiggled with the handle, still unable to open the door.

I was useless.

* * *

I lay on the floor of the bathroom, my face pressed against the cool tile. My head pounded. My chest felt as if it were on fire. _"Not around her."_

Through my labored breathing I picked up a large piece of glass and sliced the palm of my hand open, giving myself something else to focus on other than _him_. He won't take me over. Not now, not tonight. The warm blood slowly ran down my arm and spread across the floor. She banged on the door when she heard me scream in pain. Calling my name over the piercing sound of the shards of my shattered mirror scratching the ground as I dragged my weak body through them. _"It can't happen around her."_

All of this as she was outside, begging me to let her in. The strain on my brain became worse as his voice spoke into my ear. I tightened my grip on the piece of glass, deepening the cut.

The slamming against the door had stopped. She had left. Good. Don't get involved with me. Turn and walk away while you still can. I would do anything, absolutely anything to save her from this. Save her from him, from _us_. This twisted lie, this pathetic charade that I put on. I'm no man, I'm just a monster. A two-faced monster. A sad, pathetic insect. The me you know is covered in scabs and sores that you can't see, that you can't even fathom. You're too perfect for me. Too perfect to stay with me as I scratch and tear at the voice that's a part of me.

My body crumpled to the floor, defeated. I lay there, shivering uncontrollably, watching the blood flow from the wound in my hand. My need for her drove me insane and the lack of it pushed me to my limits. She means everything to me in this nothing that is my fate. I'm ready to scream inside. My chest hurts. So badly. God damn this voice inside my head. It won't give up. It wants me dead.

He's my hatred, guilt, denial, sins, and everything evil about myself. He's my truth, the end of my dreams, the bullet in the gun, my own self destruct button.

And he controls me.

* * *

I fumbled with the keys to the bathroom door. I was astonished at what I found when I opened it. He was covered in blood. There was a gash inside of his hand and what skin that was exposed was riddled with little cuts. I couldn't tell how long I stood there staring at his mutilated body. He glared at me for a second before closing his eyes to the world. Instinctively I rushed to him, not caring about the glass that was burying itself into my bare feet.

All I wanted to do was help him. He never wanted to accept it. Always pushing me away. I wanted to run to him, kiss him and hug him and tell him everything was going to be alright. What is going on, Vincent? Why won't you tell me what is happening to you?

He seemed to be convulsing. My slightest touch set him off on an even worse path. He let out a growl in his throat as he grabbed my neck and slammed me against the floor. The wind was knocked out of me and I felt an intense pain in the back of my head as it cracked the tile. I could feel the warmth from the blood seeping out of his hand as he strained it around my neck. He choked a stray tear out of my eye, and with that his expression softened.

He collapsed onto my chest, shaking in silent sobs. I put my arms around him, not asking questions. Maybe he'll tell me someday.

* * *

My alarm clock woke me up, and I found myself once again drenched in a cold sweat. It's been a year now, but if I try hard I can still remember what it felt like having her here. I inhaled deeply, pushing the thought to the back of my mind.

Her essence is gone. The pain is still here, the images and memories still linger in the furthermost corners of my mind, but at least he hadn't taken me over completely yet. At least he hadn't done anything to her.

I shoved everything away. Everything about myself and everything about her; I locked it all in the back of my mind as I locked the door behind me and went to work.

* * *

Whadya think? Thanks to NIN for helping me out with Vincent's piece in the bathroom. The characters are going to be a little outta character for this story, so if you can find it in your dear hearts to forgive me, then you're darlings :) Please tell me what you think! It wouldn't hurt for at least 1 person to review it, you know...


	2. Ice Is Starting To Form

Alrighty, let's continue. I hope you reviewed because if you didn't, the wrath of my body shall float atop your bed and haunt you tonight! Well not really. If this gets confusing, let me know. It's just a weird style I wrote it in, but I think you can figure out who is who.

* * *

I looked at my faint reflection in the window and worked on my expression. Indifference. I would not fail myself on this day. I would not look like a scared child, despite the fact that I was terrified to my very core. My gaze would not falter. My hands would not shake. And most of all, he would not make an appearance. I'm ashamed of him enough, let alone have him show up in front of the entire tier of high organizations. I have to make all of these bastards believe that this lifeless abhorring job is what I live for. I must give off an air of confidence. I straightened up to keep what little pride I did have from slipping through my fingers like sand onto the floor.

I was to be praised tonight for my excellence in my field of work. What "field of work"? I kill for a living. I kill what I used to care for. That's what I do best after all. I am a sick, destructive monster unworthy of anything. Everything in this world was, is, and always will be nothing to me. And he is there to coax me further down this detrimental spiral. Inside of my mind, talking to me, slowly steering me towards my impending death. But I had to keep myself in tact, if nothing else to show her that I am still here. That I can survive without her.

Everything has been better since you've left, can't you tell? I've been happier without your lies and deception.

I stood at the foot of the stage, stoic and unwavering, as the head of my department rattled on about some abstract bullshit regarding Auto-Reivs and how terrible they were. His remarks made me wince, but I simply stared out into the crowd, blurring them all into one big colorless blob. I could still see her out of the corner of my eye, beautiful as ever. Her hair had gotten longer since I last saw her, but she was just as flawless as when I first met her as she hung onto his arm. I didn't let my mind linger on the situation too long. She would notice if something was wrong. I prayed that she didn't sense the irrepressible beating of my heart, the screaming pain in my eyes, and my desperate want to be as near to her as possible right now.

My head jerked up as I heard my name, followed by a round of applause. I slowly brought myself to the small podium and accepted a meaningless piece of paper which I would throw out when I got home. I was too preoccupied with the fact that the steel box I had sealed my memories away in was about to burst like a bubble. All I heard was him in my ear, his hands on my shoulders, her eyes on mine. A dull pain started in the back of my head.

When the numbing accolade stopped I was the first one out the door, maneuvering through the large crowd of people. She had brought me to my knees again, weakened me to my lowest point while I tried to escape her, throwing the dignity and confidence I had mustered out the window. At one time in my life she would have criticized me for having done this, but not tonight, not ever. That didn't settle well with my psyche.

His dark cackling rang throughout my ears, beckoning me to become one with him. It seemed as if he was right behind me, chasing me through the building. I ran deliriously through the hallways, feeling my throat begin to burn and close up. I crashed to the floor and punched a hole in a window, gasping for even the tiniest breath of the cool night air. His existence dangled in my face, tempting me with relief like food to a starved animal. I could forget myself for a few hours. Forget this ever happened. Forget I ever saw her.

I eventually gave into him, not because I wanted to, but because I was afraid of what would happen if I didn't.

* * *

The room was crowded with officials. I was with almost hundreds of people I knew nothing about. I was merely the organization's inspector and nothing else. I didn't truly belong there; I only came as Daedalus' partner. I wore the only fancy clothes I had, which wasn't saying much at all. A necklace and earring set made of fake diamonds and the black dress that Vincent loved. He had said I looked stunning in black, elegant and mysterious. Am I still elegant in your eyes, Vincent?

I watched him as he stood in the shadows. His eyes were blank and cold, his body stiff and rigid. The remnants of what was once a man, now staring across the room as if nobody in the world cared about him. I clutched Daedalus' arm, afraid that I might run into Vincent's and try to bring him back; back to the way he used to be. He neither looked at me nor made any acknowledgement whatsoever that I was there, but he knew I was and I knew he was. It was becoming very apparent. When he walked onto the stage I saw the veins in his neck beginning to bulge and his fingers tightening on the frame of the award he was receiving. His smile was forced; it wasn't the same one I had seen day after day.

I knew what was coming, but I couldn't do anything for him. I couldn't throw my arms around him and tell him I would make it go away. I was no comfort to him by any stretch of the imagination. After the applause he stepped off of the stage and made a mad dash for the door. It took all I had to keep myself attached to Daedalus and not reach out to touch him, even for a brief moment.

A few seconds after Vincent left, some of the people around me began to speculate about what was going on. My heart ached. He didn't want to socialize with any of us because what tortured him was trying to get out again. Was it me that caused this to happen to you tonight? Did I place this burden on you?

At the sound of shattered glass I found myself tearing down the hallways, ignoring Daedalus' cries behind me. The air became cold as I turned a corner and saw your shadow fly out of a busted window.

I looked into the dark night sky but couldn't see your form in the moonlight. My head hung in disappointment.

"Re-l, are you alright?"  
"Oh, Daedalus. Yes, I'm fine. Curiosity got the better of me I suppose."  
He gave me a look filled with mistrust. "Would you like to go home?"  
"Don't you need me to dig further into this?"  
"No, not tonight. Worry about it tomorrow. I'll be along a bit later, though."

I smiled at him. "I will see you in a while then." With that I went back to the main hall, grabbed my jacket, and bolted to the elevator, desperate to leave this stifling prison I was in.

* * *

This morning I woke up, went to work, came home, got dressed for an event where I would see her for the first time in over a year, then gave into my own demon to escape it all. I hate my life. Fuck her. Fuck her smile, her laugh, her presence, and fuck Daedalus. Especially Daedalus. Fuck everything.

I peeled myself off of the dank, appalling alley road that I had turned up on and sauntered out into the abandoned street, heading back to our, no, _my_ apartment. I wasn't too far from home, thank God. I forgot my award. Shit, I was more proud of the imprints my shoes were making in the shallow snow than of that piece of paper.

I double-checked my hands. There was blood on them again, as usual. I wonder if I killed any people tonight. If I did, how many? How did I go about it? Rip them in half? Strangle them? Suck the life out of their eyeballs? Would I hear about some random deaths on the street tomorrow on the television? I took some snow in my hands and rubbed them together in a haphazard attempt at removing the stain, leaving a trail of bloody snowballs behind me.

I struggled to enter my home, if you could call it that, as countless thoughts floated in my mind. I closed the door behind me and went into my room, collapsing on the bed. His whispers had subsided for the evening, but I never truly slept.


	3. Never Will I Look Back

I followed the same streets that led me to the apartment. They seemed to be more shady now. Perhaps I was just paranoid. Standing outside his door I inhaled, taking in the nostalgia that hung thick in the air. I looked to see if the spare key was still hidden in the gap in between the door frame and the wall; sure enough it was. I opened the door.

The place felt like an empty shell. I silently closed the door behind me and realized that everything of ours was gone. The tables had no pictures on them, the vase had the last handful of flowers she had picked, now dead and crumbling. The silence that hung in the air as I walked alone through the halls stifled me.

Despite all this, I still loved it here. Daedalus' place might as well have been a sterilized hospital room. It was lonely, everything was white, it had no character or feeling at all, and I had no memories like I did here with Vincent. Cooking in the kitchen while Pino insisted we let her put the ingredients in herself, reading the same damn picture books until the wee hours of the morning, coming home to find my eye shadow painted across every piece of furniture in the apartment.

The bathroom reminded me of the first time I actually saw what you were going through because of that monster. Finding you on the floor, bleeding profusely from everywhere on your body. Knowing that I had to become part of the darkness that you were hiding from me to keep you from the loneliness you carried. Your sadness became my sadness, your pain became my pain because I couldn't bear seeing you take so much on by yourself. Forcing myself to separate you from your personal hell that haunted you that I did not yet understand.

I fell to my knees, closed my eyes, and imagined your sweet embrace surrounding my body in warmth.

The door closed with a deafening bang, shaking me from my daydream. I scrambled to the corner of the shower, hoping he wouldn't discover me snooping around his apartment. The mattress squeaked a few times and I continued to hold my breath as I crawled across the bathroom floor, peering around the corner of the door. His body lay on the bed, breathing heavily as if he had been running for hours. In the moonlight coming through the window I could see him grappling the sides of the mattress as he panted out of his mouth.

I knew that his other side was slowly killing him, deteriorating his body, making him fall into depression. My actions had only made him fall further. I did the only thing I felt I could do at the moment. I ran to him, held him in my arms, and cried to myself for the man that I had turned into the embodiment of human rejection.

* * *

This was a particularly bad episode. I've had dreams about her before, sure, but in this one I could feel her body on mine, her breath on my face, her hands running through my hair. I didn't want to touch her back. Usually when I do she disappears into thin air or runs out of the room or, worst case scenario, he takes over my dream and kills her with his bare hands right in front of me.

Her hot tears became sticky on my face. "Don't cry," I murmured to myself. "Why are you crying... Please don't." I slowly reached for the hand that rested against my face, soft as ever. "Just don't leave me tonight like you usually do. Stay with me. Please." If my dreams became like this on a regular basis maybe I should transform into him more often.

She sat there and didn't say anything. She simply covered her mouth with her other hand and silently shook. _He_ was doing this to me to make me more miserable, that had to be it. I moved my vision down to her hand in my lap, afraid that a white mask would suddenly appear covering half of her face. "You've already left me for real, don't leave me in my dreams again." She looked at our hands, then tentatively kissed my forehead before getting up.

"No, not again. Please, not again.." I couldn't will my legs to propel me off of the bed to follow her, to put my arms around her. But what was the use? This was a dream. Please don't go and leave me to rot by myself here alone. Please, I love you.

* * *

His words resonated through me. He was having dreams about me? Every night? Hearing his voice this close sent electric jolts through my entire system. I should have figured his nonchalance earlier tonight was just an act. I've brought you to this, suffering through your nights alone, only having his vile thoughts to listen to, having nobody to make your life worth living. I had done this, it was entirely my fault. If only you hadn't met me, if only I hadn't come into your life we wouldn't be grieving for one another, shedding empty tears over something that would have been perfect but never could have been a possibility.

I can't stay here with you, I know that. With one last sigh, against my better judgement, I kissed his forehead, as cold as ever. Let me go, Vincent. Let this remain a figment of your imagination so you're not hurt any further from what might have been. From what never was.

My hand slipped from his as I walked out, looking back at Vincent one more time to see his handsome face marred, pining for a love half given. Don't go back Re-l. Walk out the door. Turn away or you'll run back to him, there will be no going back. I'll do it because I love you. I'll do it because I know you will be better off without me.

Closing the door behind me, I heard a muffled cry full of sorrow, hurt, anguish, grief; everything associated with lost love and betrayal, lamenting over everything that didn't permit us to be together. I leaned against the door, mustering every ounce of nerve I could to begin walking back to Daedalus' place. I stuck the spare key back in the slit in the wall before I headed back.

Was it worth it? To sacrifice everything for a man I didn't love, only to kill the one I did from the inside. She would have hated me as well, if she were still alive. Surrounded by a cloud of deep dejection, I took the long journey back yearning for what was left of our love.

* * *

Am I doing good? I was dying to add a cover image for this. I found a picture of some guy on photobucket and altered his eyes. I'm so creative! Yay! Review review review! Sorry if I don't update for a week or two. My summer semester class wants me to write a 6 page paper in 4 weeks. That's hard for me! I'm such a crybaby.


	4. The Beginning Of Our End

Oh my God, people are liking this? Hallelujah! It must not be as confusing as I thought then! I must forge ahead! Keep in mind that the characters are OOC. It gets odd, I know.

* * *

"It is an infiltration mission. It's very straightforward."  
I began to finger through my assignment papers. "What do we know so far?" There was a collage of notes and arrows placed over a small girl with long, purple tinted hair. What an odd color.  
"The child you see in those pictures is named Pino and has come under suspicion. Some of her neighbors have said that she is unusually smart. She can calculate numbers from the top of her head and give precise coordinates without looking at a map. One of them gave us a call because they were afraid she was an Auto-Reiv that might have gotten through our perimeter."

An Auto-Reiv? I skimmed over the images of the suspect again. I could see no distinguishable characteristics that would make her different from any regular human being. The Auto-Reivs that roam outside of the city look nothing like this. She has a genuine smile in every one of these pictures. The ones we destroy on a regular basis are rabid machines; unaware and desperate. Like they've given up on life and simply come here to die.

Daedalus sensed my unrest and came up behind me, putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Shocked?"  
"Y-yeah...How can that be an Auto-Reiv? She looks so..so.."  
"Human? She is what was called a companion model. They were made to look like humans to fill many special roles, including that of actual family members. The Auto-Reivs you see in the field outside are Entourages. Companion models were more expensive so they are indeed a rarity. On the other hand, almost every person had their own personal Entourage which is why there are so many of them."

I thought about this for a moment. Being born in a spaceship made me feel incredibly isolated. As a child, hearing the stories of the events that had taken place upon Earth fascinated me and I felt jealous of those who were being born on the planet; curious about how an atmosphere felt and if somebody born from a Wombsys was different and what a Proxy looked like. All of this was so foreign to me.

I turned to the next page of my packet and came across the portrait of a man. He came with a page of specs and another with a brief history, but I didn't read either of them. I studied his figure. He looked simple-minded, plain, and dull. He had a strained expression and his gaze looked apprehensive. He was tall and well built, his hair tousled and jet black, his eyes a striking green.

I heard the beep of Daedalus pressing his intercom and he murmured something into it, but I didn't bother trying to make out what he was saying. I continued to be mesmerized by the pictures of the man and girl; walking hand in hand with grins adorning both of their faces, tossing a ball back and forth in the park, him eating a sandwich while she gazed at him. How can I possibly do this to these people? They seem so innocent and defenseless.

"The man is Vincent Law. The specimen seems to live with him. Oddly enough, he is our top man when it comes to protecting the outer perimeter of the city. He's killed more Auto-Reivs than any other soldiers in the field," Daedalus chimed in. "It should be an interesting assignment for you. I Just checked and we have secured an apartment for you in the same building that he lives in. It's right next to his. Your assignment starts tonight after he gets off of work. Attempt to make contact if you can, strike up a friendship and all that." Daedalus stood up and put his arms around me. "I know you can do it."

"Yes."

* * *

I stood outside of the Auto-Reiv Defense Building and waited for my subject to come out. It's 10:10, I've been standing here for an hour, and it's freezing cold. I saw a few people jog out of the building, making idle chit-chat. I waited for them to pass farther down the street, then exited from where I had been hiding and began following them. I heard the other guys say "Vincent" a few times, so I knew I was stalking the right group.

They turned down a sidewalk that ran towards the east side of the city. "Where are they headed? The only people that live here are government officials.." After a time we came to a two story building. It wasn't really different from any other place on the block except for the fancy gold plate on the gate that had the owner of the house's name on it. _Creed_. This is the head of the Defense Unit's residence.

Heavy music was playing when I shoved the heavy doors open. I was met by some middle-aged man that smelled of alcohol as I entered. "Hey, baby." I ignored him while I headed for an empty space near the bar in the main room. The head's home was quite large but it was packed with people, all of whom were wearing the same type of uniform; he must have been throwing an office party.

"Care for a drink, miss," the bartender asked me.  
"Water." He seemed surprised that I wasn't asking for a beverage that contained more alcohol in it than blood in my body, but handed me a glass of water anyway. I began scanning the dimly lit room for Vincent. I spotted him in the crowd of dancers that had congregated in the main floor of the living space with a blond in one arm and a brunette in the other. He had a very impersonal expression as he kissed the brunette on the neck.

This mission is going to be more difficult than I expected. He seems so vulgar. Daedalus said he was an excellent worker, but how can he work well with such lack of discipline? The music in the room got louder and more annoying, interrupting my thoughts and pushing me to my limit of tolerance. It took all I had to refrain from walking out. I absolutely despise parties. I'll just need to find a way to approach him.

"Hey, you didn't answer me." My head jolted to the left as the same loser I had met at the door stumbled next to me. "Want to dance," he slurred out, sending a wave of his foul breath in my direction. By looking at his outfit I could discern that he was a high ranking officer. What a pathetic way to carry oneself.  
"No thank you," I said flatly. He seemed to get angry at my refusal.  
"That's okay, I'll make you," the officer snapped as he seized my arm and pulled me into the crowd. The repulsive mix of sweat and liquor that surrounded me began to make me sick. How can people live like this on a regular basis? I saw secretaries, officers, soldiers, and more officials degrading themselves around me by drinking themselves into a stupor. "Hey Vincent, look at this cutie!"

Wait, he WAS talking to the Vincent I needed to meet, right? This could be my chance to get into his world, probably my only chance tonight. The stench of the officer disappeared as I was wheeled in front of my target. He was taller than I had thought, his eyes much brighter. I gazed at him for that brief moment, stunned at what was happening to me and scrambling to gather my thoughts together. "You're right, Petro. She is gorgeous," he replied, curling his lips up in a smug smile.

My heart ran away with the moment. Vincent had an indescribable scent. A mixture of gun smoke and something familiar or nostalgic that I couldn't put my finger on. I have a mission to focus on, though, no matter how intoxicating he is. I had pulled myself as close as possible to him, pressing into his black shirt. He had an odd heartbeat; echoing as if he had two beating at the same time. Strange, Daedalus hadn't mentioned any health issues. My roaming hands found out that he kept a key ring hooked to his belt, a wallet in the front pocket to his pants, and a gun tucked behind his belt against his back.

"What are you really doing here," he finally said into my ear. "It's quite obvious to me that you aren't here for the entertainment."  
"What are you talking about? I was invited to this party by-" I struggled to recall the name that Daedalus told me to use. "Seller! Cage Seller. He's one of the soldiers."  
Vincent stopped moving and narrowed his eyes at me. "I don't believe you. If you were freely invited here," he slipped his hand beneath my skirt and ran it up my thigh, grabbing the holster of my gun, "then you wouldn't be carrying this with you at a party."  
My cheeks burned with anger. "It's just for protection. I always carry one with me. You have one with you too, why can't I?"  
He grinned. "Liar. That's a bad excuse and a childish method to escape my questions." If I didn't have such an important commitment I would have punched him in the face. "Anyway, I gotta go home, baby. It's late. Nice seeing you."

I stood there like a dunce as I watched him walk away. I forced my way through the mass mixture of idiots, following his figure as he made for the front door. This wasn't going how I wanted to at all. I'm an investigator for goodness sake, I should be in my element right now. I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I stumbled out the door, seeing him at the end of the walkway zipping his jacket up. "Vincent!" He looked over at me, throwing his scarf over his shoulder.

"What do you want now?"  
I jogged up to him, slipping in the light snow that had accumulated. "I was wondering if you could walk me home," I asked. I gave my best attempt at seduction which must have been pretty bad because he grimaced.  
"You're joking. You're packing heat, you'll be fine on your own. Stop bothering me."  
"Please!" I disgusted myself by falling into his chest. Playing the helpless female was so degrading. "There is a guy in there that keeps asking me to dance and I'm worried he'll follow me." Vincent's expression hardened and he looked at the sky, sighing.  
"I'll do it only because I'm a great person."  
"Perfect." I stuffed my hands in my pockets and braced myself for the frigid walk home.

* * *

"Are you sure this is your place," he asked. I nodded my head. "Why do you ask?"  
"I live here too, that's all."  
"What a coincidence," I yapped in my most surprised voice as we walked up the stairs. This was going pretty smoothly now. "What room?"  
"510."  
"I live in 511! How awesome is this, we'll be neighbors Vincent!"  
I heard him groan behind me. "Yeah, great." We reached our floor and walked to our rooms. He detached his key from his belt loop and started fidgeting with his doorknob.  
I prepped myself. _You can do this Re'l._ Vincent unlocked his door but I put my hand on his arm to stop him from going in. "Thanks for walking me home, Vincent. I really appreciate it." I placed my other hand on his face, turned him my direction, and kissed him. He looked utterly and completely confused.  
"Yeah, well, I'll see you around I guess," he said apathetically. He slammed his door behind him. Did that have no effect on him at all? Did I put all that effort in for nothing? How long would this have to go on if he continues to be like this?

Frustrated, I unlocked the door to my apartment and slammed the door behind me as well.


	5. The Infected And The Cure

This chapter is Vincent's POV from the night he and Re-l started their relationship. I wrote it at work when I should be working on a 750-800 word essay. Goes to show how much I care for my job and schoolwork...

* * *

Pills. So many pills. Another night that I lie awake in a fight for my own sanity. Half of my mind diseased by the infector that now stands at the foot of my bed. The killer that only I can see. He stands there motionless, the white tendrils from his mask floating in the cold breeze coming in through my window. Silently shattering my body into a million pieces. I grabbed the bottle of painkillers from my bedside table and threw them at him, leaving a dent in the wall.

He laughed at me, a maniacal and demeaning. Am I a joke? Slowly succumbing to this limitless potential that is inside of me, able to destroy anything; does that make me weak? I'm so fragile in this state. Always falling down the same hill. He extends his hand to me every night to aid me on my descent further into madness, as if he really knows what is right for me. Scraping through my head until I don't want to sleep anymore. Looking for a truth that isn't there.

"_Remember, Vincent, I am you and you are me,_" he whispered.  
"I wish I had your faults. Nothing seems to phase you, Ergo. You're so much more than a frail human like me."

Every day with these new people in this new place is a fading fucking reminder of what I am. All the spoils of my wasted life here for him to kick around like a tin can. I'm not needed anymore. Why go on enduring this pain to continue in a place I don't even like? Am I just doing this to show him that I am able to keep him at bay, regardless of the physical torment?

Always thinking of all the what abouts, might have beens, and could have beens. They're just another reason not to continue in this squalor. This didn't turn out the way I wanted it. I feel myself slipping but it doesn't matter anymore. A temporal spin; I can try to stop but I just keep going. Still rotting despite how hard I've tried.

Somebody help me.

The floorboard outside of the door to my apartment creaked. I could picture you standing there, biting your lip with your hand raised in a fist, not knowing whether to knock or simply to walk away. Not knowing if you wanted to play a role in this twisted comedy that was my life. I sat up on my bed causing the room to whirl around me. A small pink shadow passed by my room. "Pino, do not open the door for that woman."

"_You have no control over yourself, Vincent,_" he said as his face began to come up through the floor at my feet. "_Let me handle this. They won't disobey me, will they?_"

I stood up and went to where the painkillers had fallen, unscrewing the lid to take more. My headache had come back. I didn't need her to take me under her wing. I didn't need a hand. I didn't need anything. I didn't know it then but I was lying. I had needed you and I had started loving you. I wasn't used to having somebody worry about me or care about the fact that I feel like letting myself go. I was a scared little boy running away from the demon I'm forced to keep.

I felt a slap hit my face. "I told you to stop taking these, they'll kill you." Your eyes were so unwavering and beautiful, determined to never give up in our useless struggle. "And that would be bad why?" My comment was met with another smack to the side of my head. "Go lay down. I'm making you something to eat."

"But I don't want you to make me something to eat."  
"Well I am so get over it."  
"Pino wants to help! Can I Vince?"  
I pressed my hand to my pounding forehead. "Pino, please don't scream like that." I couldn't comprehend why she felt the need to cook something for me. I sat back down on my bed to try and get some sleep, but I can't. You're too much of a distraction. I found myself wanting to believe her. Maybe eating something would make me feel better. If I make it through the daily pain maybe I can overcome tomorrow.

"Eat it." I saw the piping hot soup appear on my bedside table. "Before it gets cold." "But I'm not hungry right now." "Too bad, it will help you feel better. And I'm not making anything else for you so unless you develop an appetite real quick I'm going to pour it down the drain." I felt intimidated enough to pick up the spoon and start eating it. The soup was hot, but I felt ice cold as she stood against the wall watching me, her smooth skin as pale as a ghost in the moonlight.

"You put pepper in it. I hate pepper."  
"It clears out your sinuses. Your breathing is so ragged all the time. It'll open your airwaves."

If only you knew the truth. Would you hate me for it? Would you quit looking at me with that honest yet stern face? Haunting me with your presence every damn day. Would he make you run away?

"_I know what you are thinking, Vincent. Everybody will run away from you._" My heart ached at his words. It ached from him putting strain on my emotionally wrecked mind. I stirred my tomato soup, watching the steam rise from it, then brought it to my face and began to drink the whole bowl, quelling the pain I felt in my chest with the burning liquid. She ran over screaming and toppled me, sending the rest of my meal flying across the bed.

I could feel my heart beating faster. I continued to lay, panting wildly to take in the frigid night air and cool my throat. She lifted her head from the sheets, wiping soup from her face. My fingers began to tingle and they began to tinge black. You're the one doing this to me. I don't know what you want but I want you and he wants me. If she were to stay any longer he would kill both her and Pino so he could devour my entire being and leave no traces. I shoved her off of the bed, slamming her against the wall with more strength than intended. He was already beginning to take control of me. "Get out," I growled. I limped towards the bottle of pills that was on the kitchen counter. "Take Pino over to your place and get the fuck away from me."

I felt regret. Frustration. Distress. It had turned into another night of anger as does every other. I will watch you leave, plug Pino in, and go pass out in my room. Completely shuting myself away from the world and any possible hope that wandered my way.

Instead you bring your body against mine and choose this evening to start us off on our road of doomed passion. This path of deception and love that never should have been. Your lips made me promises, making me believe the monster inside of me would be overthrown, but your heart was nothing but a whore. I didn't turn you away, though. I pulled you into my arms and greeted you with my dead heart, unaware of your true intentions to throw me back into the fires of hell.

"_He who does not perceive his calling cannot find true happiness._"

* * *

It totally sounds like Vincent is addicted to painkillers in this chapter. But that's not my intention. I had a painful wisdom tooth and wound up taking, like, 3 extra strength aspirin throughout the day to get the pain to stay away. That's what he's doing. He is not a drug addict in this story, trust me. Fun fact, I also hate pepper! R/R please!


	6. Twilight and Shadow

I really do love Vincent and Re-l more than anything but oh, how I hurt them so Q.Q I'm such a meany.

* * *

The sky was gray and the snow was falling when I looked out of the window of my office as I prepared to leave for the day. On my way out I scanned my notebook and flipped through the logs from the department, reviewing the three particularly gruesome deaths that were reported. One was clawed to the point of unrecognition and the other two dismembered. I wiped my face with my hand.

"What the hell were you thinking, Ergo."

I exited the office building and stepped out into the cold wind. My hair began whipping around my face, one of my biggest pet peeves. These blue skies that we were supposed bring never seemed to exist. At least not when I was around, but after what I had done sorrow was expected to follow me wherever I went. I'd longed to see the perfect weather that Vincent had spoken of in Romdeau.

"Re-l!" Looking up I noticed Vincent's boss Raul trudging towards me from across the courtyard. I felt the urge to run away and erase all traces of myself from those people, but at the same time I needed someone to talk to. Would he even talk to me? "How have you been? We miss you over in our department." He gave me a sincere smile, meaning either he didn't know what had truly transpired between Vincent and I or that he had forgiven me for it. I smiled back at him. "I've been better, Raul. You?" He buttoned his coat up. "Very fine thank you, just headed out into this freezing nightmare. I'm done for the day."  
"It's always nice to get off early."  
"I agree."

We walked for a few minutes in silence. Once more blinded by my selfish need to know about Vincent, crawling back to my desire to be with him. Fighting against the surge of obstacles that hold me down, I couldn't help myself anymore.

"How has he been, Raul?"

He pulled his collar up and stared straight ahead. "Do you want to know everything or just the basics?" His voice had dropped to a deep whisper. I recalled that Vincent would say the same type of thing to me: "_Do you want to know the bullshit or the whole story?" _I would always opt for the bullshit because I wanted to know everything about him, no matter how ridiculous it was. "I want to know all of it." Every miserable moment, every terrible detail.

* * *

The first month after it happened I spent every waking minute I had trying to figure out what had happened to Pino and why Re-l had run off in the night. I slept with some girl from the Records Department as a bribe to give me the information I wanted. They had done an infiltration mission on suspicion of an infected Auto-Reiv. She was discovered, confirmed as infected, and subsequently destroyed. At the word 'infiltration', my life lost all meaning whatsoever. My eyes blackened to the world. The one thing that trusted me the most had been struck down by the one person that I loved more than life itself. And because she had broken my heart I couldn't feel, though that was a relief at the time.

The second and third month I slowly began to heal. I started to mend myself with raw anger and petty urges for revenge. I put my painkillers away and didn't contend with Ergo at all. I let him take over more than I ever have in my entire life just to rid myself of the agonizing thoughts I still harbored of her. I would wake up with blood on my hands and clothes, not knowing who or what they were from. More surprising was that I didn't feel any remorse for it.

The fourth and fifth month I worked my ass off. I stayed at work for eighteen hours a day, maybe more, doing what I do best; killing. I'd stare through the scope of my gun at the Auto-Reivs that came toward the city and see how many of them could outrun my gun. It became easier by conjuring up images that would satisfy my personal vendettas; plastering white masks on some of them, envisioning the day I will rid myself of Ergo if I live to see it happen. Daedalus, the head of my department, others I worked with. Whether my mind was doing it subconciously was unknown to me. I would never see her face on any of them as they sauntered through the wasteland. I couldn't spot her pair of teal eyes staring back at me before I pulled the trigger to put a bullet in her skull. I tried my best to kill it all away, but I still remember everything.

The sixth month I was forced to take a break. They believed it wasn't mentally healthy for me to continue the daily massacres I had been performing, even though that was what I was getting paid to do. If this had been issued to me at any other time in my pitiful life I would have been fucking ecstatic. I would have gotten to spend more time with you and Pino seeing as you were always saying I worked too damn hard. Instead I get to lie alone in my apartment, looking back on the things we would be doing at that moment had the two of you still been with me. Making my chest hurt even more than it already did and making every single day a hellish nightmare.

Yet at the end of the day I would come home and be wide awake. The full realization of the sea of misery that threatened to drown me. I found myself holding my gun to my head, wondering if she would cry if I died, whether she would even care, whether she would continue to play house with Daedalus. What was I compared to him after all? A shoddy lowlife, that's what. I would have let you down. A half human who could transform into a Proxy and kill at any given moment. I was the wrong choice in so many ways.

Even though I knew I could pull the trigger, I felt as if she were right in front of me. Standing with her arms on her hips, staring at me with the all-knowing-all-seeing glare she had that won her every argument we ever had, that made me succumb to her in every way from chores to dinner. How could you be so cruel to leave me like this? Then again what have I become, to be giving in to a mere memory of her?

The seventh month was the most excruciating. It was the same month that I had met her. That day, October 11th, I let Ergo take over again. I didn't want to spend all day going over how we first encountered each other, how she sounded, how she tasted, how she felt in my arms; I wanted to make sure I continued to hate her. I became both the defendant and the judge; telling myself it wasn't my fault because she had lied to us both, but condemning myself because I had allowed her to do it to my fool of a self. Taking painkillers to make the headaches and Ergo go away and working to clear my mind. You ran away into the twilight that evening, ran away from both me and the demon I had in the shadow of my mind. Crushing our love the same way you crushed the snow underneath your boots as you disappeared up the road.

The other months ran together like water, mixing into a blur of absolute nothingness. Painfully long, annoyingly monotonous. I live my life as if everything is fine, filling the void with the company of trashy women, killing Auto-Reivs, and endless dreams of her. Over time, feelings will disappear. I'll lose the dream of waking up to your hair, the weight of you against my chest; the darkness is becoming so deep that our love will eventually die. You are probably someone completely different right now, but I am still right here.

* * *

Thankfully it was too windy for my tears to escape from my eyes. Whether or not he noticed that I didn't really care for. Vincent's scream that I had heard when I shut the door yesterday night repeatedly echoed in my mind as if he were yelling it right next to me.

"Thanks Raul, I appreciate it."  
"Why? Wouldn't it have been better if I told you he was doing better?"  
"No, I wanted to know absolutely everything."  
"Oh, you want to know _everything_ that has been going on."

What? There was more? Was he continuing his death wish after I had gone? Was he trying to make it painless by overdosing on the painkillers he used for Ergo? Was he not eating? His cooking never was terribly good. Did I even want to know? Could my heart handle it? No, it couldn't. So I shook my head. Raul touched my shoulder. "Perhaps a different time then. This is where we part ways. I hope to talk to you soon, Re-l."  
"Likewise, Raul."

I hugged him, thanked him again, and went towards Daedalus' house. My body felt as heavy as lead. He confirmed my suspicions. Vincent couldn't be more of a mess right now. I know that I'll always be waiting for him so he knows how much I need him, but I don't have the right to feel that way. I stood in the road as the sun began to set, rubbing the bronze pendant that lay hidden against my chest.

_"This will never end. If you trust nothing else, trust this. Trust me."_

You've forgotten that though, haven't you.

* * *

Hope it didn't disappoint. By the way, I don't want to use any original characters so I'm trying to keep it limited to ones from the show but there aren't that many! It's so hard to keep them in character! Raul is a total 180 from what he usually is. Anyway, as usual reviews are loved and appreciated!


	7. Blurry

I'm so sorry! I haven't been able to update in forever! Stupid English class D: But I'm moved into the dorm, I'm taking classes, I have all of Tuesday and Friday off, so I have plenty of time to be a fanfiction recluse. Homework is supposed to come first but whatever, it's cool ;)

* * *

I stared through the scope of my .50 caliber rifle on yet another cold and grey day in the wasteland. Entourage. Female. She stumbled as she slowly dragged her broken body towards the city walls. Her red eyes seemed a symbol of perseverance rather than infection and anger. My finger quivered on the trigger as I slowly applied pressure to it. Waiting for her to look right into my face; for us to meet eye to eye before I ended her meager existence. My body jolted back from the recoil, my ears rang from the sound. Once I regained my bearings I peaked back through the scope to find the Entourage sprawled out across the ground with electric gore spilling from her head.

Another death by my hand.

"Hey Vincent."  
I peeked over my shoulder at the voice behind me. "What's up, Petro," I asked as I stood up.  
"You have some hot-shot visitors downstairs in the main hall that are asking for you. They look like they are from one of the science departments or something. Fancy clothing and all that bullshit."  
I bent over and dusted the snow off of my knees. "Visitors? Who visits me?"  
Petro shrugged. "Losers, that's who. Not the chick though. She's pretty hot in the black number she's wearing." My eyes widened; I tried to keep myself from getting my hopes up. She wouldn't come visit me. Her constitution is too weak when it comes to us. So I threw the thought away and laughed nervously at Petro's joke. He looked at me like I was an idiot. "It's lunch anyway so go get something to eat with them. Just make sure to let them pay for it."  
I nodded and slung my gun over my shoulder, heading down the stairs into the main building. I tried to calm the anxious feeling in my chest, but I could do nothing about it. I don't want to be torn away from my work. All I meet is loneliness and silence. I walked up to the secretary that sat at the desk in the main lobby of our building.

"Excuse me, Dorothy?" The petite girl looked up from her book and was taken aback.  
"Oh, Vincent!" She blushed and smoothed her short hair a bit. "How are you today? I must look a sight."  
"Don't worry about it. Petro said that somebody was asking for me. Can you tell me where they are?"  
"Oh yes! That couple over there on the bench next to the elevator was looking for you."

I glanced over my shoulder and froze. Daedalus and Re-l sat on the bench together. She was fiddling with her silky hair like she always did when she was nervous. They seemed to be arguing over something, and I felt perfectly content watching the two of them bicker back and forth; It felt like a sort of indirect revenge. Yet I still felt the urge to punch him in the face for doing whatever it was that was making her upset. Dorothy came around from behind her desk and ran up to the two of them. I looked away, preparing for the the imminent doom that awaited me, feeling like a bug underneath a microscope with their eyes on me, running over what possible reasons they could have for showing up, and thinking of things to say.

* * *

I wrung my hands together and fiddled with the lace on the hem of my dress. The building smelled of oil and metal, stinging my nostrils. My mind was weighing different options; should I feign a terrible stomach ache and leave to escape this or stick it out and face him? I don't think my heart could take it after what Raul had told me but every fiber of my being wanted to be next to him even if it was for a brief moment to apologize. I kept hoping that it had all been a lie.  
"I'll never forgive you for making me do this," I whispered harshly in Daedalus' direction.  
"You're head of investigations, I thought maybe you could give some input or advice. What is the big deal?"  
"Nothing! It's just," I began messing with my hair, "after everything that has happened between all of us what makes you think he would want to engage in what you call 'friendly conversation'?" Especially to me. I was the worst offender in this entire room. A traitor. A liar.  
"It's been over a year, Re-l, he's probably forgotten about the whole thing. Get over it." I cringed at his heartless words.  
"You're terrible, Daedalus," I muttered under my breath.  
"Daedalus, Re-l, Vincent is here to see you now," the office secretary said as she clacked up to the bench in her high heels, ushering us towards Vincent. I hid behind Daedalus as we came up to him, like a fearful child hiding behind its mother.

* * *

"Vincent!" I winced at Daedalus' whiny, childish, know-it-all voice. Plastering my trusty mask of indifference on, I turned around. He strolled up to me, Re-l reluctantly in tow, hiding behind him. "Sorry to disturb you while you are working," he continued, sticking his hand out to shake mine.  
"I was going to lunch anyway. What do you two want," I asked, ignoring his hand and re-situating my gun on my shoulder. It began to feel as heavy as the atmosphere between the three of us. I fixated my eyes on Daedalus, refusing to look at her. Not that it mattered; the minute I saw her I had begun conjuring visions of her jumping into my arms and planting kisses all over my face as Daedalus stood there dumbfounded. I would rip the gun off of my shoulder one-handed like a superhero and shoot him square in the face, then Re-l and I would exit the building, walking away into the sunset like in one of Pino's storybooks.

"_Shut up you fool, you should know better._"  
My head began to ache. I thought back to how I had told myself to buy a new bottle of aspirin this morning but hadn't.  
"Vincent, first I want to apologize."

Everything became blurry.

* * *

This chapter was written when I had writers block. I wrote it a while ago but had to tweak it but it still sounds like crap to me, but whatever. Read and review because I love you!


	8. When Reason Fails

I've never tried to write a gory chapter, but I've always wanted to see Vincent pwn Daedalus in a fight (which we all know he could!) I own Ergo Proxy! Oh wait, no I don't. I just wish I did. Dammit. :p

* * *

I raised my foot, kicking Daedalus in the chest and sending him falling. His eyes went wide and he began to crawl backwards on the pale grey floor.

"W-what the hell do you think you're doing," Daedalus gasped.  
_  
"You need to focus on your true objective, Vincent."_

I shot my .50 caliber into the air, shattering the glass ceiling. "Everybody out! That does not include you," I yelled, pointing the gun at Re-l who was trying to walk over to help him. She looked furious. When all of the employees had frantically cleared the room I threw the gun on the floor with a loud crack and pulled out my pistol. "Now why are you so scared, Daedalus?"

"We-we just had questions about whether or not you enjoyed the event the other night!"

Ergo's form appeared from behind me and began circling around him. _"Such a liar."_

I looked back at Daedalus. "You're lying. That's not all you're here for."

"Vincent.." Re-l said my name, but I ignored her.

"No! That's all we're here for, really," he sputtered. I aimed my gun at him, sending a bullet straight into his shoulder. The sound of the metal penetrating through bone and blood slowly tore through my head. He clung to the wound with his other hand, a deep red trailing down his tiny arms. "Are you insane," he shouted at me, gazing frantically at Re-l for help.

"That's not a very nice thing to say, but just mildly." I slowly walked towards him and pulled the trigger again, leaving a bullet lodged in the forearm that was holding his injured one. To my amusement he screamed like a girl and scrambled away, blood rapidly staining the front of his white coat.

_"Isn't this the man who took Pino away from you? I think he deserves more_," Ergo said as he casually strolled alongside Daedalus.

"You know, I wouldn't call the person who has the upper hand insane," I argued. "I'm just a ticking bomb inside. Trust me, I've held on to everything too long to let it go now. Don't look at Re-l, she couldn't help you even if she tried."

Daedalus' feeble attempt at an escape was comical. He was trying to move as fast as he could towards Re-l who continued to ignore him, darting her eyes back and forth; assessing the situation and attempting to come up with a solution. Too predictable. As much as I enjoyed the game of cat and mouse, I was getting tired of it. I planted a bullet right in his shin, causing him to writhe in agony. I heard screams erupt from both of their mouths as he clutched his leg, blood freely dripping onto the floor.

_"Not a terrible location, but you should have gone for the heart."_

"Shut up, Ergo." He let out an evil laugh. Re-l whipped her head around and narrowed her eyes at me, watching my every action now that she had heard his name.

_"Don't push me away, Vincent Law. I am you and you are me, remember?"_

"I will never be you. Now shut up." Daedalus' face was a mixture of emotions. He rocked back and forth continuing to hold onto his leg. "What seems to be the matter Daedalus? Why are you crying and shaking? Is it the intimidation? Now tell me the rest of the reason that you are here."

"Honestly, we just wanted to know how you enjoyed it, that's-" I came upon him and kicked the wound in his shin. "FUCK! Fuck! Fine! We found your blood on the window," he screamed with tears coming to his eyes.

"Ah, the truth comes out," I exclaimed with a smile. "But that's not all. BOTH of you wouldn't personally grace me with your disgusting presences at the same time just to talk to me about that."

_"You know what you want to do, Vincent. You want to love her again, so kill him already," _Ergo whispered as he swirled his foot in the blood on the floor.

"I don't want to see you anymore. Go away." Daedalus looked confused. He glanced at Re-l who continued to look at me. "Anyway, tell me what you know."

"Um...You disappeared only minutes before three murders were committed," he paused, wincing. "It was too big of a coincidence, ya know? However.."

"However what?"

"The blood- your blood- at the scene of the crime was...impossible. It had Amrita cells mixed it."

Time stopped for me. "_I will not allow myself to be captured. __It only takes one bullet_," Ergo growled from behind me. My head was spinning from what Daedalus had said. "_Or two. She knows our secret, so she must be eliminated as well. It is for us, Vincent. She doesn't want you anymore so why does she matter? She is insignificant._"

I clenched my teeth as I felt the soft tendrils from Ergo's mask swept against my face. I burned inside with hatred and I don't have the power to bury that agony, but he could help me. Killing them was the right option. "You're right." I ran my hand through my hair. "No, you're wrong!"

"Right about what," Daedalus asked, still cradling his leg. "Re-l, who is he talking to?"

"Vincent, what are you doing," Re-l asked as she cautiously stepped towards me, her face silently horrified.

"What do you want now, Re-l," I asked, snapping my gun over to her. "Have you suddenly discovered the true meaning of empathy? How convenient. If you would have cared from the start none of this would have happened."

"But I-" Her teal eyes flashed over to Daedalus and she stopped speaking, silenced by that know-it-all asshole. It made me sick. Why are you so worried about what he thinks? If I put a bullet through his head right now would it make you happy or sad?

_"You can continue to fool yourself with thoughts of love and affection thinking that they will rescue you from your petty existence, but don't get your hopes up too much," _Daedalus hissed with a white mask on his face._ "Nobody cares about your life except for me. When you get that through your head you will be less..emotional about things."_

Within an instance I crouched above him, my pistol to his throat. "People care..." He looked up at me, terrified and helpless in the hands of a psychotic monster.

As if in slow motion, I heard two guns erupt, felt a sharp pain in my arm, and watched as a sea of blood obscured my vision. Daedalus lay underneath me, blood gurgling from the hole in his throat as he took his last breaths. I turned to face Re-l who wore a myriad of expressions as she shakily held her gun up, obviously uncertain of her action and in a daze.

"_If you kill her too, there will be nothing to stop you; to stop me_," Ergo said into my ear. I felt my throat begin to constrict. "_Focus on nothing else and let me do what you cannot as a weak, pathetic, fleeting human._" My muscles began to give out, causing me to roll off of Daedalus' body. A hard pressure began in my heart and I started to sweat. The muscle and bone began reattaching in my arm as my body healed itself, eventually expelling the bullet onto the floor.

I lay on the cool tile, watching the pool of Daedalus' blood inch closer and closer to me and digging around in my jacket pocket with my free hand, frantically searching for my bottle of aspirin. My heart fell when I realized I had planned on buying a new bottle this morning. "Not true, not true.." I could feel my chest aching with the anxiety. Does it scare you that he and I are so much alike now? Things used to be so perfect.

* * *

I don't think this turned out as great as I could have made it for some reason. I like the idea of Vincent killing Daedalus while he struggled with Ergo over control of his mind (its something I would have loved to see in the series, believe me), but I've never written violent scenes before so bear with me people. I haven't been updating much, and you can blame college for that. Moving in, first assignments, syllabuses, all that crap. Gotta love it! Review please!...Please?


	9. Betrayed Desires

This is going to be weird. I wasn't sure where to insert this but I totally wanted to do a backstory on how these two got the way they were without making this, like, a 50 chapter story (and this is meant to be a short story) because then I would have never finished it. So the next chapter is going to be a continuation of the previous one!...You'll see. But this wouldn't have mixed well with the ending being the chapter right after it.

* * *

She just showed up one day. Small, dark, mysterious. Something completely foreign from the universe he was used to living in. She had an attitude and she was beautiful when she was angry, which was often with Pino around. He didn't like somebody forcing their way in multiple days of the week. He and Pino were doing fine. Emotional elements came in to play and it started to become a problem larger than she could ever comprehend.

She told him he would get better and that she would be the one to do it. He didn't believe her but nodded anyway. There was something about her shady eyes that made him crumble like nothing at her slightest word. He was unsure of when this began, but couldn't bring himself to care about it. It started with helping with dinners and a simple visit to chat, but it had escalated. He had a real person to care about him now; an authentic human heartbeat to feel next to his.

The look in her eyes, the sound of her voice, the warmth of her presence; they all began to heal his corrupt mind. The assurance she gave him helped eliminate the demon hovering inside of his head until she was the only thing clouding his thoughts. He became unable to endure the time in between her visits, watching television and playing with Pino for a distraction. Time was drawing them closer. She was slowly becoming his new cornerstone in life and intimacy was becoming impossible to avoid.

The intensity of their relationship heightened. Simple daytime cordiality eventually gave way to nights of fragmented pleasure; torn memories made in the cool night air of a small, two-bedroom apartment. Another world had appeared before him. One that wasn't full of terror and sadness. He found himself lost to her beauty, acquiescing to her in every way possible. It made the voice in his head disappear, it alleviated the fear and pain that he felt. His small infatuation had turned into a desperate escape from life.

She found out about the Proxy. He became ashamed and went into a deep depression, wondering how that secret would drag him away from her and back to his once bleak existence. He told her to run while she could, pushed her away. Nothing good could possibly come of this knowledge. She refused and continued to come to him, swearing her sincerity. As usual he gave into her, and told her everything believing that she would be with him forever. He told her of Pino, of Proxy One, of Romdeau's tainted history; every little detail of his life, she now knew.

She found herself caught in everything that he offered her as well, filling her days and nights, her other responsibilities completely forgotten. She began hurrying home from work, leading Daedalus to believe there was some major development in their case just to get him off of her back. She felt as if she were in a dream, expecting to wake up and be back to her usual desk job. Her confident manner was nothing in front of him - she couldn't get enough. Her childish ideal of the perfect romance always seemed like it would remain an impossible challenge. She thought about him incessantly, aching for his company at all hours of the day. She never wanted to leave him horrified that if she did anything otherwise she would be alone. But she knew that what she had to do couldn't be avoided.

She began to speak to him less. Her eyes didn't light up like they used to, her smile didn't look as sincere. Neither his smile nor his laugh did anything to make her happy anymore. He became frightened because he relied so much on her for inner strength. He knew that if anything happened to her he would feel detached and alone, with only Ergo to fill the empty space that would be left in his heart, and she knew this. The attachment to one another soon became unhealthy and she started to hate herself for what she had become, knowing what still had to be done.

The relationship deteriorated until they each became a crutch for one another. The lack of control they had in each of their lives was forgotten as they were powerless while in the hands of the other. They both thought about the pure love that had once existed between them during every meaningless touch, every kiss, every conversation. He let it go on, aware of her shift in attitude, wondering where he went wrong and not knowing how to bring it back to normal. She wouldn't talk to Pino at all, not even to answer a question. Tears raised to her eyes at the mention of reading a book or playing a new song on her piano toy.

But everything ended when the door burst open that fateful evening. The night that he learned that all of the love had been a lie, that all of his feelings had been for nothing, and that everything he had was being stripped away from him. As Pino's lifeless body was ripped from her room, screaming her name as they treated her like a soulless piece of metal. The familiar sobs echoing down the stairwell, and the last warming sensation of her lips out in the cold as she bid farewell, walking up the dark street.

* * *

That would have taken me forever to write, which is time I don't have, and so many chapters. Oh so many chapters. Stupid college. By the way, I'm actually getting reviews! Thank you! Now just keep it up! Gimme, like, 20 a day and I'll be happy!


	10. The Embers Never Fade

I totally have a nutrition paper I should be doing but that's okay..actually it's probably not, but I have an idea for a story in a different category and I've had this planned out on how to finish so here is the second to last chapter. I hope you're not confused, but if you guys were smart enough to watch Ergo Proxy you'll understand the method to my madness. This picks up after chapter 8.

* * *

"_Get_..._up_..._Get up!_" Her voice was faint but desperate. She crouched above me with pleading eyes looking as if she were going to cry, her hands cold against my face. "We need to leave now," she screamed.

"What...what?" My body felt rigid, my breathing raspy. I propped myself up on my elbows, double-taking at the scene that was before me. Daedalus lay in a sea of his own blood with his throat slit, bleeding uncontrollably. I froze, horrified, not recognizing anything. "Re-l, what's going on?"

"Please hurry, Vincent," Re-l yelled again, angling her body underneath mine to hoist me off of the ground. I willed my legs to thrust themselves up and leaned myself onto her lithe body for support. We made our way for the front door amidst the shocked screams of the people behind us who had slowly come to witness Daedalus' corpse. The cold outside air hit my chest like a sledgehammer, opening my throat back up. We continued to run through the foggy streets and alleys, unable to see anything in front of us but the blast of snow stinging our faces. I was only aware of her hand in mine, dragging me along with her to some unknown location as if the world were breaking in two.

My legs eventually buckled from exhaustion sending me face first into the thick snow. I gripped some in my fists and watched it turn a light red. "What...did I do?"  
Re-l didn't respond. I heard the light crunch of her boots as they approached me.  
"You murdered Daedalus," she whispered as she sat on the curb of the sidewalk. I watched her from behind my arm. I looked at my jacket and stuck my tongue out, retching at the coppery taste of Daedalus' blood that had sunk into the fabric. "Did Ergo talk to you again," she asked, wringing her hands together and looking nervous.  
"I don't remember," I whispered. My cheek began to go numb against the cold. "I've given up, Re-l. There is no end to this."

That simple mistake of falling in love had started the hardest time in my life. My mind was full of mass confusion. The murder I had committed was trivial. The fact that I might get killed for it didn't matter. She was near to me. Touching me. I could smell her and felt content in watching the tiny snowflakes settling on her dark hair. I like to think I can prepare myself for the inevitable disaster that is coming to me but she always puts me at a loss.

She shook her head. "I can barely look at you," she exclaimed as she ran her hand through my hair. "But every time I do I can't raise my voice to say anything at all, as if all my words have turned to dust." The wind blew her hair across her face, hiding her expression from me. "I don't want to say I'm sorry. I don't respect myself enough to say that to anybody. Least of all to you." Her eyes focused on mine, not breaking. They still managed to make my heart ache.

I continued to listen, not saying a word, imagining how she would respond to the questions I wanted to ask so badly. Did you love the life that you killed? Tell me how you want to feel, I'll give you anything. But you're not thinking about tomorrow because you're the same as me; you only care about now. I know you're only worrying about whether we've been followed or how I will react to your words. You're trying to forget the past but can't put it behind you. We were both stupid in this sense.

"I never expected you to," I said, turning to face her.

She sighed. "Do you like the way that you feel right now?" Her hand slowly ran down my face, raising the hair along my arm. I chuckled at the absurd question and sat up. She brought her hand up to my numb cheek, hiding a smile. "You know, I used to have my own 'happily ever after'. I don't know what ever happened to that."

My hands instinctively moved towards her, running themselves over her smooth face and leaving small red trails in their wake. "It disappeared." It felt like another one of my recurring dreams that I have. Perhaps it was; Daedalus was dead and Re-l now lay against my chest. The anchors that had been draped over my neck were lifted if only for a moment in my nothing of a life. At least momentarily. I wonder how long it will be until you leave me again.

* * *

I watched as Daedalus' blood slowly crept towards my feet like a black hole that was coming to suck me in. "I need to do something..." My attention turned to Vincent. He continued to lay on the floor, staring up at the ceiling in a dream-like state. I ran over to him and crouched above his body, cupping his face in mine and shaking it. "Vincent! Get up! Get up!" His green eyes slowly began to move around. He had a quizzical look on his face as he glanced around. "Re-l, what's going on?" I heard the voices of the people in the hallways behind us.

I ushered him up in a panic. "Please hurry, Vincent," I grunted as I tried to push him off of the ground with my body. He finally stood up, hobbling for the front door as he continued to regain conciousness. I saw him turn his head to look behind us a few times with a worried look on his face as the people began to scream upon discovering Daedalus' body.

I closed my eyes and squeezed his hand in mine as I swung the doors open to the outside, a freezing mix of ice and snow stinging my skin as I pulled us out to the street. Running anywhere away from Daedalus and away from another death that I had created in a crazed, manic state. I began to regret ever setting foot on this planet, wishing that I could jump off of the edge of it and float back into space where everything was peaceful. It was as if I was a pawn in Boomerang's plan that was created to fall.

We turned onto a one way street about 10 blocks away when I felt Vincent's hand fall from mine and heard a loud crunch. I turned around to find him laying in the snow, clutching his fist. A billion memories ran through my mind as I observed his motionless body, wondering what to do to fix this.  
"What did I do," he asked. My heart broke; committing the act of murder against his will, not being able to control it at all. I walked over and cleared a space of curb to sit next to him.  
"You murdered Daedalus." I gazed at him for a few seconds, unsure of whether or not to ask my question. "Did Ergo talk to you again?"  
"I don't remember if he talked to me. I've given up Re-l. There is no end to this."

My odd instinct to make Vincent feel better came to light again. My hand ran over his cold face, through his wet hair, tracing his mouth, down his neck, uncaring of what I was saying to him. Seeing his eyes soften and fixate on me without a look of hatred for the first time in a long time became all I cared about. That bright green creating a lump in my throat; a phenomena that I never could explain.

"Do you like the way you feel right now?" I saw his lips curl up in a grin before he started laughing and covered my mouth to hide my happiness at the fact that he was smiling. I didn't know what was so funny, that was a serious question. I couldn't care less though; I didn't want the moment to stop. It reminded me of better days. I gently laid my hand against one of his cheeks as he sat up. "You know, I used to have my own 'happily ever after'. I don't know what ever happened to that."

Vincent lost his smile, setting his hands on either side of my face. I felt the cold wind against the wetness of the blood that now marked my skin. "It disappeared," he said, pressing his lips against mine as he put his arms around me, pulling me with him down into the cold snow. Was this the forgiveness for all I have done? Can I rest peacefully now? At least until we're torn apart again? I wish we were meant to be together, but it's obvious that we aren't. I can't turn back the tide.

I rested my head against his shoulder, continuing this endless dance that has been destined since we met, listening once again to two heartbeats ringing in my ears.

* * *

Well? I tried my best to wrap things up between them! Still probably not as good as most were hoping for, but with a story I didn't really want a fantastically happy married-with-children ending. Re-l's parts are never particularly long; I like writing about Vincent so much better, I have to admit. One chapter left. I promise it won't take me long. I won't be lazy, I swear.


	11. Change

Last chapter! Seems like it took me forever to actually get it done when I knew what I wanted everything to be...Oh well. This chapter is based around some events that took place during a day while Pino was still with Vincent and Re-l still lived with them. I would have loved to include more chapters like this but they didn't really fit in anywhere. Besides, I thought this would be a good way to end the story; on a happier note. It may not have sounded like it in the rest of the chapters, but the town this takes place in is actually pretty developed. Sorry it took me longer than expected; blame my midterms! Damn you college.

* * *

"But it's warm out! Come on come on come on," Pino squealed as she tugged on my hand, pulling me off of the couch. "It hasn't been sunny in weeks AND it's Vince's day off!"  
I looked up at Vincent for help. He merely shrugged, apparently unable to focus on anything other than his alphabet cereal. "Thanks for the input, ass."  
"Hey, you know I prefer the cold weather, beautiful. But if she wants to go out you know she won't drop this and it's only 10 in the morning, so prepare yourself for a fun-filled day of whining."  
"I don't whine," Pino shot back at him.  
"You do too."  
"Nuh uh!"  
"Yeah huh!"  
My brain began to hurt at the idiotic argument that was beginning to unfold. "We're leaving! Just shut up, both of you!"  
Pino threw her arms around my waist. "Thank you Re-l!" She stuck her tongue out at Vincent and proceeded to skip down the hall. I walked over to him and crossed my arms.  
"Oh, what," he asked, placing his head in his hand.  
"You spoil her rotten. That's why she whines."  
He smiled up at me. "I can't help it! It's not like I intend to give in to her."  
"Really now? Well figure out how to fix it while I take a nap."  
"You do that," he said as he ran his free hand up my arm. "Don't worry, I have a plan for today. Well, a half plan." I glowered at him and shook my head while he grinned back. "I love it when you look at me like that."

* * *

Ow. Ow. Ow. Thanks to that nap on the couch I had a cramp in my leg, making each step more miserable than the first. And of course Pino insisted on hopping in every single puddle of melted snow that we came across. So here I was, being dragged by Vincent who was being dragged by Pino into a small bookstore on the corner.  
"Yaaaaaaaaaay, we're here," she screamed as she ran up to the door. I looked at her, soaked from her feet up to her waist in murky water.  
"She can't go in there like that, she's a mess," I said, placing my hands on my hips.  
"Am not," Pino retorted. Vincent removed her soggy shoes, placed them next to the door, then crouched down so she could climb on his back, choosing to smear the mud and water from her pants all over his shirt instead. He cocked his head at me. "It needed to be washed anyway," he said.

We entered the musty store, stacked to the ceiling with books that had been salvaged from far away domes and ones brought back when the humans returned. The owners greeted us by our first names seeing as we made trips at least once a week, and commented on how pretty Pino's purple hair was. She grinned and thanked them. "To the picture books," she exclaimed, sticking her arm in the air.  
"Hi-ho Silver," I said under her breath while I flipped through some historical texts. Vincent gave me a death glare and kneed me in the butt before moving on.

We were there for hours going through pile after pile of books; small, large, colorful, black-and-white, picture books, children's novels. Any kind you could think of. Pino ran back and forth to us, seeking our personal opinion on each and every one she picked up. Eventually Vincent had leaned his head against one of the bookcases and dozed off.  
"She's finally done. We can go now," I said as I shook him awake.  
"It's about damn time," he muttered as he stood up, stretched, and headed towards the cash register. I winced as he froze when he saw the mass of books almost as tall as Pino waiting for him. She had her hands on the counter, hopping up and down. "Pino, there is no way you are getting all of those books," Vincent said, placing his hand on his face. I knew this would turn into another argument.  
She turned around and pouted at him. "Vince, why not? I can't get just one!"  
"Well you can't buy the whole damn store either!"  
"Why are you being so mean today," I said with mock anger on my face, grabbing Pino's hand and pulling her next to me.  
"Re-l, you can't seriously expect me to buy all these books for her."  
I shrugged at him with a spiteful smile. "_You don't want to help me out, I won't help you out,_" I thought to myself. I looked at the store owners who were standing near the register, their fingers aching to ring all of those books up and find out the grand total.  
"Oh, I get it. Getting back at me for this morning," he grumbled to himself. "Fine. I know how much you_ love_ to read to her, Re-l, so you can be the one to do it!" He angrily pulled his wallet out from his pocket. "We can get them all, Pino, relax."  
Pino grinned from ear to ear as I shook my head in disapproval watching him pull out the cash. Vincent tilted his head towards me with a smile, melting my resolve with his eyes.  
"I hate you, Vincent."  
"Hate you too, Re-l."

* * *

"Ugh. That wasn't worth it," I complained later that evening as I lamented over my ruined boots which stood in the corner near the door, soaked through with water and caked with dirt.  
"Oh don't be upset over silly shit like your shoes." The mattress squeaked as Pino jumped up and down on the bed playing a happy tune on her piano toy. "Pino, which one do you want to read?"  
"A picture book!"  
"Surprise surprise," I whispered to Vincent. We sat on the floor in the front room surrounded by books, attempting to sort them out. "Why did she even get the fiction books? All she'll ever read is the ones with pictures, you mark my words," I said angrily, cringing as I thought of all the money Vincent spent today.  
"You never know," he said, flipping through one of them. "Maybe she'll 'grow up' sometime and get sick of the happily ever after books." He smiled at me before leaning towards the bedroom. "Quit jumping on that mattress! I don't want to have to buy a new one! I spent enough money on you today!"  
I laughed. "So did you have a good day off?"  
"Yeah, though I have a feeling I'll be seriously regretting the ice cream dessert I got at dinner," he said gripping his stomach.  
"Thanks for that image."  
"Not a problem, baby," Vincent said picking up a book. "The Velveteen Rabbit. Hmm. Sounds..odd."  
"Hey, don't say that. My mother read that to me when I was little," I snapped back. He gave me a wicked look.  
"Oh really," he asked, flipping to a page. "Weeks passed, and the little rabbit grew very cold and lonely-" He briefly glanced at me - "..but the girl loved him just as much. She loved him so hard as she ran her silky hands up and down his skin, graced him with her smooth lips-"  
"That is NOT The Velveteen Rabbit, Vincent."  
"Well frankly I prefer my version," he said gruffly as he snapped the book shut, feigning offense.  
"Oh, I bet you do," I said as I went to snatch it out of his hands. He grabbed my wrists and leaned backwards, making us both topple into a stack of sorted books.  
"But at least my version can become a reality. In fact, I do believe we should make it one."  
"You're terrible," I said as I pushed myself up, looking him in the face.  
He smiled, weaving his fingers through my hair. "Why, yes. Yes I am," he whispered as he kissed me.

"DOGGY PILE!" was all I heard before Pino jumped on top of Vincent and I, slamming our noses together and knocking the wind out of me. Her body was so much heavier than it gave off to be. She crawled up my back, sandwiching my cheek against his. "You never kiss me Vince! I thought you liked me best!"  
"Turtully doopendent ern de sutuashoon, Purno" he blurted out as his face mashed into the rug the further she bent over us, shading out the dim light of the lamp in her sea of purple hair.  
"Mmm...Okay," she said before she bounced off of us. I coughed a few times as Vincent began to rub my back. "Bedtime! Let's go read a story," she said happily before making airplane wings out of her arms and sailing into the bedroom.  
I spent a few minutes lying on top of him, drawing random shapes against his neck and dreading the rest of the night. "I wouldn't dislike it so much if she wasn't so intent on the voices and the dramatization of it all."  
Vincent laughed. "Part of her personality is still the programming that she has. You can't blame her for it. I wouldn't give it up for anything after seeing the other child models in Romdeau."  
"...Models..." I inwardly laughed at the term. I eventually rolled myself off and squinted my eyes, trying not to focus on the pain in my face.  
"Oooooooh, that did not help the stomach problem," he said as he rubbed his mid-section. He turned over to get up and lent me his hand, pulling me up in front of him.  
I gently stroked my nose. "She will be the death of me, I know it. When I least expect it, too."

Vincent placed his hands on my cheeks, tilting my head up to look at him. "I honestly think we'll be the death of each other." My heart sped up as he said this, afraid that he was dissecting my reaction with his piercing eyes. "But, come to think of it, I've always been a pessimist." He kissed me again. "Let's go read to her before she punches a hole in the wall."

* * *

Done and done. I was pretty happy with this chapter and its refreshing to know I don't have to worry about whether or not it's finished anymore. Though I did have oodles of fun writing it. Thanks for all the reviews I got while doing it! It's heartwarming to know there's still some rare EP fans out there ;_; Tidbit; Velveteen Rabbit was my favorite childhood book and the "i hate you" exchange always happens between my boyfriend and I (don't ask.) If you enjoyed it, great; if not, you still read it didn't you ;D

Lots of love,  
Aqua


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